"…in spite of my obscurity, I act as an ambassador." (St. Patrick's Confessions)
Author: R.E. Ayres Perspectives
REA Leadership Resources, Anglican Priest, author of "Deaf Diaspora: The Third Wave of Deaf Ministry" and "DEAFCHURCH 21: Vision for a New Generation". Bob and Kathy Ayres are the founders of "Deaf Teen Quest", a national ministry model of Youth For Christ USA.
We are a severely broken society and culture. It doesn’t show up in our GDP or stock market portfolios. We use money as a “leading indicator” in white America. We don’t take into account how we treat people. Ever.
Many evangelical Christians seem to be arming themselves in fear of having to protect their property or family in an anticipated collapse of civilization. I do not fault them for their concern and support the right to bear arms. I have nothing but respect for the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, and even the logic of possessing firearms. I get it; really, I do. I enjoy the experience of shooting cans and bottles off a fixed target from thirty yards away. If I lived in a rural area with rattlesnakes and rabid animals, I would certainly own a shotgun.
Yet the question continues to haunt me, “Is rushing out and purchasing a gun (or several) a wise response for faithful Christians?” One moment, one mistaken response, one second of heightened anxiety, one careless accident, can change a person’s life, and the lives of many others forever, literally in a flash.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.”
2 Timothy 1:7
Is the risk of “standing my ground”, protecting my property (or parking space), maybe even protecting my life, or the life of another worth it? Maybe. But to me, the emotional costs seem too high and the risks too great. I am not making an argument for you to stop “bearing arms”, but explaining why I do not. I prefer to simply lock my doors and pay attention to potential risks on the street while remaining unarmed. Guns and bullets may not kill, people do (according to the rhetoric), but weapons certainly can kill others when given the right set of circumstances.
What is my bold reasoning? I have none; simply, I know myself and how I would respond. My heart is too tender to kill another human being, intentionally or not. I do not want to risk this level of permanent injury to my conscience. Just the thought of taking a person’s life—regardless of whether by accident or a justified, intentional act—causes me to shudder. I sense my soul would be perpetually wounded, and this is a risk I prefer not to take. So, I remain unarmed and actually, I feel safer this way.
Unlike the visual tsunami of violent deaths seen in movies and television dramas, killing another person rips at the natural fabric of God’s creation expressed in the commandment that we shall not murder. Yes, I know there are unfortunate exceptions but as a rule, we are designed to be part of God’s creative force in the world and not to intentionally participate in the destruction of God’s “image bearers”: human beings. By nature, we are builders of hope, not destroyers of life. As Christians, our actions must find justification through Jesus under the new covenant of redemption through the incarnation of our Lord and Savior. In Jesus we put our trust. What other defense is worthy?
Everywhere I go, I find strangers to be generally friendly and decent. Regularly, I give and receive expressions of kindness and basic human decency in everyday interactions, just like most others do. Maybe the deeper cause of the fear that feels the need to arm oneself is the hyper-anxiety created by unnecessary political polarization that is inciting unreasonable fear and paranoia. I believe the rhetoric is overblown and out of proportion with the reality of how perilous life currently is in our country.
My wife Kathy and I do not live in a bubble or social isolation. In ministry with young people, we often have gone in and out of “troubled” neighborhoods frequently and currently live in what might be considered a medium-risk area. Of course, we stay alert and give due diligence to avoiding situations that might go badly. We are careful to lock our doors and leave security lights on at night—we even had a security camera for a time—but these are reasonable measures for living safely in society. Very rarely have we ever felt threatened or been in such volatile situations that might require fight. Violence often happens in the middle of the night by people who already know each other and have a grudge to settle. Sadly, this will likely be one of the worst decisions of their lives by which they will be forever marked.
Occasionally, I read in the news about a home invasion or kidnapping which merits violently defending of life and property, but these are statistically extremely rare. I wonder: if I come stumbling out into the living room at 3 a.m. flashing a gun, am I more or less likely to be shot by an intruder? Could go either way. Pulled guns shift into offensive weapons and quickly provoke a response. Maybe there are better options. My father kept a baseball bat under his bed. Seems reasonable. By the way, he never had to use it although I remember times when I was a child that he walked into the dark living room ready to hit a home run.
Besides all the things that can go wrong (e.g. accidents, suicides, mistaken identity, moment of rage), I do not think I would fully recover from taking a life. My emotional and spiritual sensitivities would obsess on the horror of that moment. Maybe you think a “justified” killing would not bother you, but I suspect it might haunt you, as it would me. Consider the emotional risk when making these decisions. I suspect anyone who has taken a life, even in the line of duty, would describe such moments as horrific and burned into painful memory. I hope to go my entire life without ever having to make that decision. But if I do, look for me broken, crying, and on my knees before God in repentance, even if it was the better decision of two bad choices.
These are just the ponderings of an unarmed man who does not live in fear.
“Where there is no vision, the people perish…” Proverbs 29:18
Where a vision is given by God, often the people prosper through obedience and faith.
I just returned from an incredible Deaf Missions conference of 450+ people connected with the Christian Deaf community: Deaf Christian Leadership Conference and Christian Interpreters Conference. We are now fully engaged in the Fourth Wave of Deaf Ministry. There has been a Christian revival in the Deaf Community over the past twenty years since I signed these words below about “Deaf Time”; which has come about by the willingness of diverse parts of the Christian body caring for each other and serving the Lord in collaboration and friendship. We truly are better together, than any of us trying to “go it alone”.
Though not directly connected with this conference, I do believe at least some part of this current revival in Deaf World has roots in a gathering of 39 participants in February 2001 at Country Lake Christian Camp just north of Louisville, KY. From across the country and denominational spectrum, youth ministry leaders came together to worship Jesus, “major on the majors”, love each other in Christ, and become willing to collaborate, encourage, and support each other. Some of those friendships and networks continue to thrive and produce fruit today.
In 2004, I published Deaf Diaspora and want to share a direct quote from that book. I believe God gave me a glimpse of his future blessings to come to us simply by how we care for each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. We continued our annual Deaf Youth Ministry conference for twelve years. This is how the world knows we are Jesus followers, how we love each other.
“At the inaugural Deaf Teen Ministry National Symposium in 2001, I closed our meeting together with the words, “It’s Time.” Repeating these words and tapping my watch, I expressed a deep sense of the beginning of a revival across our land. It was an awesome awareness of God’s vision for reaching his people at this particular juncture. The time is now. It is Deaf time. It is the Deaf turn for a revival that redeems both individuals and a community for Christ. The impact of the national symposium on our lives was huge as God brought us together to experience Christian community from across the country and the denominational spectrum. We are God’s people and we are called to work together for his purposes. We cannot delay. We cannot remain separate. The Evil One has kept us weak by keeping us divided. To become strong, we must be willing to come together. But we are no longer orphans in a storm. We are family. Together, we become the church, and the gates of hell cannot stand against us.”
Bob Ayres, February 2001 at the inaugural Deaf Youth Ministries National Symposium
By responding to God’s vision of reaching Deaf teenagers with the gospel of Jesus Christ, we are able to enjoy being part of the impact of God’s Spirit moving in this world. We may be riding the Third Wave but God is the creator of ALL the waves throughout history. He was reaching the Deaf community long before any of us were alive and He will continue long after we are gone. Now, at this particular point in time, we must respond to the changes in our world with wisdom and intention. We must find new ways to share an old story to a new generation. We are the Body of Christ; He has called us and the time is now.
It’s Deaf time.
It is time for a new vision for reconnecting the Deaf community with the gospel of Jesus Christ. We cannot turn the clock back to an earlier day when most Deaf gathered around the schools for the Deaf; they are a scattered people. With God’s help, we can create a new way for Christian Deaf, hard of hearing and hearing adults to invest their lives into the lives of Deaf teenagers. It is a new day! The time is now.
The teenage years are the most important ones for making lifelong (and eternal) decisions. A person with an idyllic childhood may destroy his or her life by making bad choices during the teen years. A person with a horrid childhood may come into a personal relationship with God and flourish. After high school, relatively few people accept Christ. It is those who are teenagers now who will reach the next generation of Deaf young adults with the gospel. The spiritual hope of the Deaf community lies with those who are now children and youth.
Hearing teenagers have enjoyed excellent quality youth programs for many years. In the past, Deaf teenagers had some opportunities. Now, there are few, painfully few, ministries specifically for Deaf and hard of hearing teenagers. God has spoken; God has signed.
It’s Deaf time.
“By this all will know that you are My disciples… if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35, NKJV). It is love that changes the heart of the lonely, the mind of the confused, the strength of the weary, the soul of the isolated; it is love that defends the faith and teaches it to a new generation. God calls us as a community to reembrace the spiritual legacy that once was integral to Deaf-World. God is pursuing the Deaf individual and no longer will being Deaf become a barrier to understanding the greatest gift given to humanity.
It’s Deaf time.
Now, finish, now.
The time is now; we cannot delay.
Deaf time, now.
Excerpt from Deaf Diaspora: The Third Wave of Deaf Ministry (iUniverse, 2004), p 122-123.
At the start of the sixth chapter of the Gospel of St. John, Jesus hosted more than five thousand excited followers who loved the free-lunch, quick healing services, and great sermons; yet the next day he was left with only a few, beaten and battered disciples experiencing spiritual vertigo. The crowd who proclaimed the day before, “This is the Prophet!” dwindled to a sad gathering of followers who grumbled; “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it!” Then John tells us, “After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.”
When we are confronted with the difficult parts of our faith, whether in scripture or life, there is a tendency to make one of three missteps: sanitize our belief in an effort to gloss over the tough things in life; distort the truth by removing or redefining scripture which doesn’t align with our personal biases; or most unfortunately abandon biblical faith all together.
Sanitize, distort, abandon: unfortunate responses when life and faith seem at odds with each other. Instead of staying around, instead of asking the hard questions, and struggling to learn the deeper meaning of Jesus’ words, people just walked away.
“This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”: My tendency, and maybe yours, is to skip over the troubling parts of the Bible. Life seems much easier to sanitize our belief by ignoring (or removing) those scriptures that cause us pause; anything that makes us feel uncomfortable.
We might think if we ignore the difficult parts of faith and life, they will just go away. Seems like a good strategy. Problem is, you really cannot ignore the troubling parts of scripture without undermining the inspirational parts. A sanitized belief system removes the possibility of real answers by ignoring the real questions, as though they don’t exist. It is nice to ‘imagine a world without problems or uncertainties’ but there is real evil and brokenness in the world; both within us and around us. We cannot just wish it away by ignoring the hard parts.
“How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” Some in the crowd began to distort the truth of his words and like many people who take this route, they did this for selfish purposes. Distorting the truth lets us off the hook for confronting the challenging parts of living out our faith, particularly when it comes to loving others.
Throughout history, there have been large and dangerous movements who distorted scriptures that conflicted with their own biases, prejudices, or perspectives. Historically, those claiming to follow Jesus justified slavery, oppression, abuse, racism, and even things that seem more innocuous such as materialism, gossip, legalism, and isolationism. This is equally true within the anti-religious arena. Distorting scripture to erase other’s belief is likewise a play for power, privilege, or control. This is evidenced in places where religious freedom is seen as an enemy of the state. China’s repression of Muslims and Christians is our most recent example in the news.
At the heart of this negative response to Jesus’ words, was a resistance to the overall metanarrative of God’s intention for the redemption of the world through him. Jesus is speaking of a spiritual reality of his being one with the Father and the true Messiah. Some may have been offended by the imagery, but I suspect their sarcasm was not about Jesus violating their understanding of decency: “Eat your flesh? Drink your blood?” I believe it was about who Jesus is, and what following him might mean to their preconceived notions of status and position.
Here is why I think this: Jesus had returned the previous evening from the bordering countries where he healed, preached, and feed thousands of people from countries seen as enemies. To accept Jesus as the True Manna from Heaven meant those hearing his message would have to change, to reject their old prejudices and learn to love their enemies. I believe many in the crowd found an off-ramp from this religious holy man by latching on to a concrete interpretation of his words. They distorted Jesus’ words to justify rejecting him, so they could stay aloof from the demands of following him: “Love God, Love Neighbor”.
When there is too much that unsettles someone, the response is sometimes to abandon biblical faith all together. Please don’t do this. You think life is tough facing problems WITH God? Imagine (or remember) the despair of believing there really is no ultimate purpose in life. Theologian Brian Brock reminds us of the story of Jacob who wrestled all night with whom he thought to be a man only to realize his struggle was ultimately with God (Genesis 32:22-31).
“This is a seminal story in the formation of Israel’s identity. Jacob is given a blessing—he is named “Israel,” one who wrestles with God. Forevermore Israel’s children will be known as those who wrestle with God.”
Brian Brock, Disability: Living into the Diversity of Christ’s Body
Jesus and the Early Church modeled for us caring Christians communities, sharing lives of hope, encouragement, and wrestling with the application of biblical faith. We have this unchanging, eternal truth that has to be discovered anew by each generation. No tricks; No gimmicks. Just ordinary people like you and me living out the grace and truth of Jesus Christ in our daily lives.
“So Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go?” Let those words resonate in your soul for a moment: “to whom shall we go?”. These words momentarily take my breath away. Like some of you, I have tried other pathways in hope of some enlightenment, some peace. I know nowhere else to turn. As Saint Augustine observed “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”
Then Peter answered his own question: Jesus, “You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” This is as close to the core of the Christian faith journey as it gets: “We heard your words. We believed what we saw, learned, experienced. We now know who you are. You are the Holy One of God.”
As followers of Jesus, our challenge is to open ourselves to engage with biblical truth and embrace a living faith. Theologian C. Kavin Rowe reminds us in Christianity’s Surprise: A Sure and Certain Hope, “Human life is just too hard to have a boring Christianity.” Following Jesus may be unsettling, challenging, even disheartening at times, but is certainly not a calling to boredom.
So, how do we engage, embrace, and find our balance in a world that feels so unstable?
I have a real-life experience that hopefully offers a useful analogy: it involves a longshore current, sandbar, and some people sitting on the shoreline in beach chairs. Recently, Kathy and I were swimming at St. Augustine beach. The current pulling me down the shore was strong so I wondered, “If the current is down below, can I stay above it, float on my back, paddling to overcome the current?” I did this and thought I was doing well until I looked up and saw I was pulled way down the beach. In my mind, I was making progress moving against the current or at least holding in the same place, but that wasn’t the case at all. The current in this story represents the pull of the troubles of the world away from walking with Jesus.
So, I got out of the water, walked back up the beach and tried again. This time, I stayed upright and dug my toes into the sandbar to hold against the current as well as I could. It was tough and involved paddling with my arms, but it worked fairly well. In this analogy, the sandbar represents my faith, the scripture, my experiences of Christian community, and I was doing a pretty good job of resisting the current.
But I needed more. I noticed a small group of people sitting in chairs on the beach in front of me. I locked my eyes on them because they became my “point of reference”: I could tell when I started sliding away. This gave me something tangible to fix my eyes on, to know if my efforts to stay put were working. In this analogy, these people represented our “cloud of witnesses”, the Church, the body of Christ.
In life, I need the friendships, encouragement, role-models, sound doctrine, and reminders I find when I gather with other Christians, I am not tossing alone out at sea without hope. Others become my “point of reference”. We face dangerous currents and powerful undertow in our world, which can cause spiritual disequilibrium, but a community of faith helps us stay grounded. We need each other. Now, as always.
Simple analogy, but an important point: When confronted with the difficult parts of life and faith, don’t let the rip current of confusion pull you out into an ocean of despair.
I encourage you not to sanitize belief, distort truth, or abandon faith. Jesus has shown us a better way. Engage with the biblical narrative, even the hard parts, even the parts you question and doubt. God invites us to embrace a living faith as part of a community, the Church; one that is authentic, grounded, and willing to face the hard questions and days with grace and truth—even when life and faith seem to be at odds.
When asked by Jesus if they were going to stay or go, Peter replied on our behalf, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”
Here is another bit of advice that has carried me far: consider the source. This seems to take on much deeper meaning during this time of misinformation and disinformation. When considering information or input, take the time to evaluate from whom you are receiving the information. What is their agenda? What biases affect the giving or receiving of this information? Algorithms are accelerating information loops that read our responses and feed our biases for the purpose of marketing. We start thinking we are right, if we hear our own voice echoed often enough, regardless of its true connection with reality. Pausing may make a world of difference in not only information flow, but personal relationships. Start by considering the source.
Let’s focus first on the relational level. Does a specific person giving you feedback actually care for you? Do they have your best interests in mind? My younger sister and I are separated in age by sixteen months. For most of our childhood, people thought we were twins. One of my favorite pictures of my sister and me was while traveling to North Carolina from Florida with our family. We were about five and six years old. There stood a tall, gray water fountain at a gas station that neither of us could conquer alone. We took turns getting on our hands and knees and stood on each other’s backs for the purpose of getting a drink of water.
This inspirational and symbolic moment is a snapshot of trust and cooperation. When someone has been willing to let you stand on their back for a drink of water, you are willing to trust them. Having the attitude of a servant is part of earning the right to be heard. As Teddy Roosevelt famously said, “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”
Jesus in Luke 6:43-45
Now let’s see how this applies on a communal level. Some societies and ethnic groups are more tuned-in to contextual cues and referred to as high context cultures. I learned this concept from a workshop presenter named Milton Creagh. Members of these cultural groups pay attention to what is being said based on the context of who is saying the words. Accordingly, they might respond positively IF they accept the credibility of the messenger. In our English-influenced society, we tend to listen to professionals based on their credentials. But this is not necessarily true in high-context cultures. By the way, Generation Z (those 24 years old and younger) is reasonably considered a high-context culture. As a group, the do not tend to trust authority or logic, only relationships vetted by personal experience.
Much of the information tsunami in social media has nothing to do with truth but with “hits” or “views” or “likes” or “comments”, which ultimately results in money or power for someone. When we become obsessed with seeking the approval of others, we are giving up control over ourselves. Most of us want to be liked, but this can be a dangerous power to be put in the hands of others, some with the intention to harm us. Nefarious players are seducing wide swaths of our population by sowing seeds of untruth and chaos. Consider the source. These are dangerous influencers who can certainly lead many to violence, and already have.
So, whether we are talking about a relationship, neighborhood, classroom, or any other social construct, sometimes the crowd will love you, sometimes they will hate you. Best to get used to it. Best to keep our eyes fixed on the Savior who already walked this road ahead of us regardless of the response from the spectators.
Never be too enamored with their cheers. Never be too intimidated by their jeers. Palm Sunday and Good Friday are only five days apart.
Jesus was aware the source of the Sunday praise and the Friday cruelty was essentially the same. Both crowds wanted to use him for their own unsavory purposes. Those intentions were evil; each wanted to control the Son of God for some worldly gain. Sunday was an effort to thwart Roman control, Friday to avoid Roman retribution.
Why do we need the approval of others? Sometimes, we even seek sanction from those who mean us harm. Isn’t that odd? Be wise. Be discerning. Act don’t react. Pause and consider. Pray.
Gnosticism was the first heresy that confronted the early Christian Church. This movement was a cult built upon “hidden knowledge” known only to the initiated that distorted the essential beliefs of the Christian faith. Cults usually congregate in remote compounds or cloistered communities, but now a new one has emerged that spreads its beliefs online: QAnon.
A recent Wall Street Journal post describes the movement:
“QAnon followers are awaiting two major events: the Storm and the Great Awakening. The Storm is the mass arrest of people in high-power positions who will face a long-awaited reckoning. The Great Awakening involves a single event in which everyone will attain the epiphany that QAnon theory was accurate the whole time. This realization will allow society to enter an age of utopia.”
According to a recent NPR/Ipsos poll of 1,115 U.S. adults, 17% believe and 37% are not sure whether “a group of Satan-worshipping elites who run a child sex ring are trying to control our politics and media” — a bizarre allegation of QAnon followers who actually believe these elites are cannibals. 39% of those polled believe there is a “deep state” working to undermine Donald Trump.
At first, I thought QAnon was similar to movements like the Tea-party or Moral Majority, but the more I research, the greater my concern has grown. QAnon has an extensive fictional narrative that is truly dangerous and predicts/incites violence. This “Storm” mentioned involves hundreds of thousands of executions worldwide.
So, what is the appeal of such “Big Lies” by QAnon? This expression, coined by Adolf Hitler in Mein Kampf describes a propaganda tool of promoting a lie so “colossal” that no one would believe they “could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously”. In other words, “the story is so bizarre, it must be true”; a proven trick of skilled propagandists and cult leaders.
These false narratives are hidden from outsiders who might otherwise reject this insider information reserved for the “faithful”. I mentioned Gnosticism because of its patterns of using hidden codes and insider knowledge to which only “true believers” have access. The covertness of online communication systems has allowed this secret society to grow and invade our society and threaten our national security. Instead of a cult located in a specific geographic location with a visible leader, QAnon has a mysterious “patriot/prophet” leader with a worldwide audience. This should concern us all greatly.
My dear friends, many false prophets are in the world now. So don’t believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see if they are from God.
1 John 4:1
This QAnon movement more closely resembles the Game of Thrones than the Suffering Savior from Nazareth who was crucified for the sins of the world. QAnon has little or nothing to do with Christianity even though it targets a specific religious audience interested in end-times prophesy. The “Big Lies” of QAnon seek to justify violence, harassment, and bullying which is seen as a way of reestablishing a distorted version of an earlier so-called “Christian Nation”.
Maybe not so ironically, the German letter “Q” (first letter of the German word “Quelle” which means Source) is well-known in higher-criticism theological studies as a reference for “Source Documents” for the New Testament. I suspect “Q” has a theological background and “QAnon” stands for “Anonymous Source”.
What is the solution to this impending cascade of evil? Changed hearts through friendship. The Church has a wonderful opportunity to preach, teach, and show by our actions the fundamentals of our Christian faith. Start by emphasizing the fruit of the Spirit described in Galatians, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)
Christians who have been swept up in this movement need caring friends to help them remember “who they are and whose they are” as followers of Jesus Christ. We serve a Sovereign God who requires us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Christianity looks like Jesus, not these symbols of hate, oppression, suspicion, distrust, and violence. Love your enemies. Pray for them. Gently encourage those moving out of this distortion of our Christian faith. Jesus promises us peace that passes understanding.
My dear children, you belong to God, so you have already defeated these false prophets. That’s because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. And they belong to the world, so what they say is from the world too. And the world listens to what they say. But we are from God. So the people who know God listen to us. But the people who are not from God don’t listen to us. This is how we know the Spirit that is true and the spirit that is false.
Laughter is often a survival skill for those in less-than-ideal environments. I grew up in a family with wonderful parents who were often better apart than together. Yet, amid persistent struggles, all of us including my parents, we maintained a great sense of humor. Laughter is a gift from God for encouragement to the weary and reward for their effort. For me, growing up at times was exhausting and I was glad to enjoy laughter as a colleague and comforter.
One time when I was a boy, one of my older siblings was extremely upset about something–I cannot remember what–and was furious. Being the assigned peacemaker in the family, I felt it my duty to rush in and comfort him. I knew my role; I had to help. My efforts to console were met with a harsh rebuke, yelling at me: “Get out of here! Leave me the hell alone!” I was crushed. Tears welled in my eyes as my effort to help was rejected. He calmed down long enough to say something in humor that has served me well: “Never pet a wounded dog.”
My dad passed along another saying that was common lingo on the farm where he grew up: “You’ll draw back a nub!” (It took me years to figure out this one.) It simply means, if you are not careful around farm machinery, you might reach into something and pull back only a nub of what used to be your arm. It may dramatically change your life to stick your hand into potentially volatile situations.
Let see… “Never pet a wounded dog or you may draw back a nub.”
A compassionate heart and a quick reaction may combine for an impulsive response. Pause. Slow down. Do not just rush into every explosive situation. Pay attention for the right time to offer input. I am not talking about neglecting duties to visit those who are angry. Just consider your timing. Avoid becoming part of the emotional dynamics too quickly, even if well intentioned.
One time I was leading a ministry team that had a terrible tension developing between two leaders. I was immature, well-intentioned, and completely lost my leadership objectivity. My desire to fix the problem became part of an explosive situation that destroyed the unity of the team. More recently, with the benefit of age and experience, I faced a similar situation where I moved more intentionally. I reminded them to behave like Christian adults and they responded appropriately. It kept me out of the middle of a fight between two “wounded dogs”. They talked through the tension, set new patterns, and strengthened the team, a much better outcome.
When a leader—particularly in ministry—first gets involved with a life-changing mission, it is intoxicating. I chose this word intentionally. We can become like a drunk who jumps into every fight, with the adrenaline rush of helping others. Somehow, it stops being about their needs and becomes about ours, and becomes a toxic threat to the unity of the team. Notice the similarity between intoxicating and toxic. An obsessive need to be needed becomes an unhealthy pattern that is actually makes people worse; the very ones you are trying to help.
Give to others in a way that protects your spiritual and physical life, and the health of your family and calling. Sure, you will get hurt occasionally, even if you are very careful ministry involves sacrifice and risk. Ultimately, being more careful helps the other person in their recovery. They do not want to injure you. They do not want the guilt of having lashed out at someone trying to help. Sometimes, people just need some time. Let them know you care, but be careful as you become more personally involved.
You may get bitten.
And it hurts.
In more ways than one.
Love sharpens sensitivity. The more deeply we love, the more deeply we can be hurt and the more deeply we feel joy and satisfaction.
Charles W. Conn
(This is a revision of an excerpt from my book Real-Life Wisdom: Stories for the Road.)
Dr. Rick McClain and Dr. Bob Ayres of REA Leadership Resources first presented this content for a webinar hosted by Deaf Millennial Project. These two instructors are well-known in the Christian Deaf Community in the U.S. and co-authored “DEAFCHURCH 21: Vision for a New Generation” in 2019. Many leaders in ministry and non-profits have become uncertain of how to move forward during this pandemic. Drs. McClain and Ayres have practical advice with a Christ-centered approach to leading well through difficult times like the one we currently face.
The course is NOW available for FREE at Udemy online training: CLICK HERE
Many years ago, a friend and I were discussing the age-old questions about situational rightness and wrongness. I posed the question: “If someone breaks into your house and you have only two choices, kill this person or they will murder your family, is it wrong to kill the intruder?” I figured the killing would be justified by the situation.
“No,” my friend said. “It’s still wrong to kill.”
“But the other option is even worse! In this situation, it must be okay to kill to save lives.” I countered.
Being the wiser of the two of us, he replied, “True, it might seem that way. The lesser of two evils is never a “good” choice. It may be the better choice, but that does not make it “right”. Taking a life is against God’s intentions for us regardless to what it is being compared.”
Even though I continued to push back in this conversation, over time this insight began to make a great deal of sense. I have seen practical implications applied in many experiences in life: the ending of irreparably broken marriages, painful parenting decisions, ethical choices at work, setting boundaries. When forced to make a choice that is wrong—though better than the other choice—still requires a certain level of personal heartbrokenness. Finding peace after making “the better of two bad choices” still requires repentance and forgiveness (of self and others). Making these painful decisions should not result in a hard heart but rather a tender, humbled spirit. Tears should eventually follow these moments, even if one would make the same decision again, if given the same circumstances. Recognition of this paradox ultimately leads to personal peace with making the better of two bad choices.
Sometimes you might have only two choices, and both are wrong, even the better one. When a life is taken, even a life that was dangerous, still there is need for pause and remorse. When a marriage is irreparably broken, there are no winners. When a loved one is taken off life support, there is a time to mourn. When a parent has to use “tough love”, it is never what was hoped for. No one would have wished tragedy on a person, their family, or the victims involved. Tragedy is tragedy and there is no need to portray it as something good. Even the worse of humanity is created in the image of God, and tragic situations require a recognition of God’s good creation being distorted.
Faith is like the roots of a tree, with knowledge as its branches. The greater and more luxuriant the branches become, the deeper the roots need to be; else, when the storms of doubt push against the branches, the tree will fall for lack of depth and strength.
Charles W. Conn
The oft-used adage “prevention is better than cure” does apply. Do everything you can to avoid being put in the situation of being left with only two bad choices. But sometimes in life you are stuck between two options, both wrong. Don’t try to self-justify or explain your actions away or simply make excuses; these things only delay the emotional journey to peace. Accept the reality of the situation and depend on the grace of God in Jesus Christ for restoration. Reformer Martin Luther wrote in 1521, “Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong (sin boldly), but let your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the world. We will commit sins while we are here, for this life is not a place where justice resides.” Sometimes the better choice, is still a terrible choice.
“Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong (sin boldly), but let your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the world. We will commit sins while we are here, for this life is not a place where justice resides.”
Martin Luther, Reformer 1521
By the way, these comments have nothing to do with the election of our next President. Don’t look outward for the “lesser of two evils”. Look inward for the unresolved pain of wrong decisions that once were made. Look upward for the promise of forgiveness. Even God once had two bad choices to make, let his Son die on a cross for the forgiveness of humanity’s Sin or let humanity (you and me) die without eternal hope. But the “better bad choice” of the crucifixion of Jesus resulted in his bodily resurrection, which gives us the presence of the Holy Spirit and hope of eternal life. This is Grace. It cost God his Son. As a result, he overcame sin and death. And this is where we find the peace that passes understanding. This was, in fact, God’s “best bad decision by far”.